I take a lot of online quizzes, just for the fun of it. Once I took one that told me that I was "emotionally brave" and another one told me I was "courageous enough to change the world". The problem with these quizzes is that you answer the questions the way you see yourself, and in fact, the reality of who you are is so very different.
I got on the bus this afternoon, paid for my ticket, sat in my usual spot and idly stared out the window, not really taking notice of the people coming on and leaving. Two Indigenous people got onto the bus, I only noticed because of the immediate tension that filled the air, one young woman and an older looking guy.
Were they a couple? Were they father and daughter? Were they family or friends? I could not tell. What I could tell was that the young woman was obvisouly uncomfortable. The guy made her sit against the window and then sat next to her, blocking her escape. The whole bus was uncomfortably watching this encounter, where the man would lean into her and she would lean as close to the window as possible to get away from him. She slapped his hands away, and muttered uncomforatbly to him, and he took no notice. He touched her and whispered in her ear and aggressively pulled her toward him when she was defiant. I was sitting a fair way behind them so I could not see the extent of what was happening, but the feeling in the bus told me enough.
They got off at the same stop as me, the man leading the young woman down the park path with a firm hand. The woman did not cry out, or fight or scream, she just half heartedly tried not to be pulled by him into a place she clearly did not want to enter. And I was left there, alone, standing in the middle of the footpath watching. And then they were gone.
I so badly wanted to be like superman and save her. Do something or say something, just flagging to everyone that this wasn't right. Anything. It was more than just something I wanted to do, it was something I knew I should do, it would have been the right thing to do. The brave thing.
But I didn't. And for a while I pondered why, which was really just a way to make excuses for myself. It wasn't my place to get involved. There was a cultural barrier. I wasn't even sure there was a problem. Someone else would have said something if we were meant to. There was nothing I could have done.
But let's face it; I was scared.
Those quizzes lied. I was not emotionally brave and I certainly was not courageous enough to change the world.
I should have been a hero today. Instead I just blended into the crowd of bystanders whispering "that poor woman", full of regret and realising that on this day reality shattered my quiz filled fantasy of my identity.
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